first i was so emotionally up and down. (no different, i usually keep it to myself. altho i seemed to blog about it more. well.. back then, i had a private blog. =P)
and now its the whole "what are you doing after you graduate?" question.
its easy for a lot of ppl to say "oh y'know... med school." or "doing my masters!" or "job secured and GTG!". or maybe im just friends with a lot of asians who are school smart.
school has never been easy for me. like ppl claim they hate hwk? i really do hate it to a point where i just dont care, and wont do it. and dont really care if i flunk or something. my high school marks are proof of that. and i never complete any assignment to the best of my ability. i just complete it to the "needed" point and stop there. like say if i need a 60% in the course, the most i'll do is be like "mehh.. aim for 61%. good enough!" and i'll calculate backwards, figuring out the whats the minimum i need to meet the requirements. whatever gets the job done.
but strangely.. this only applies to school.
if im at work, or doing volunteer work... i'll give it my all and more. i'll take that extra step and "one up" it. even if i dont know if i can accomplish it, i'll say i can. then force myself to learn it and achieve it. aka make myself sound better than i actually am, then go and live up to the standards ive set for myself.
i never understood that.
is it a rebellion thing? where if say im "forced" to go to school, i'll purposely just scrape by. whereas if i chose to volunteer, or i choose where i apply for jobs and which job to accept, i'll give and do more than whats expected of me?
and i see it now. im putting more of my time into CRC, TC Rec, AV stuff, and soon to add in CC stuff (no sball/scac stuff this summer! yay!!).
i'd rather open up a new draft, and write up emails as well as plan/make notes for all those other things i signed up for, instead of say studying for a midterm or starting an assignment that is scheduled before any of the extra-curricular activities. i'll know to sleep earlier and get on a regular sleeping schedule if i have to go to work, but i totally change timezones and skip class during the school year.
it just makes me question myself.
where is my heart?
what am i passionate about? why wont i put in that effort into school?
despite the 2 verses that are constantly popping up in my mind for the past few years now (Colossians 3:17 and/or I Corinthians 10:31), its just so tough to apply it to school work.
its so easy to live out these verses in all other areas of my life.. EXCEPT school.
iunno.. no real conclusion or anything.
just wanted to jot this down, and not leave it hanging as a draft.
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