every time i get rostered on a TV (related) position, and i make a mistake, i always remember it and feel really bad. gahhhhh
like recently, on graphics. sometimes its dumb little mistakes that can be avoided. and i really kick myself for those. other times was just unsure and don't know the song. (the MD and worship leader didnt know it either hence no direction from them LOL).
or when im on camera. and make a mistake (i.e. sudden movement when on screen). sometimes it is my fault and the move didnt turn out as i hoped it would. other times its not my fault (director: stand by camera 2, and 3 is on! me on 3: WTH!!!! -_-)
i think its also because Hillsong believes in excellence. we are to do everything to the best our or human capability. going above and beyond, to do all that we can.
guess what im trying to say from typing all this, is that i am human. but i don't let it go easily when i mess up, regardless if it is my fault or its outta my control. i am hard on myself, but at the same time i dont wanna lower my standards either. excellence pushes me to strive to do better the next time. learn from it and dont make stupid mistakes again. maybe its okay to make different stupid mistakes, just don't repeat them?
i guess what also made me post this is im making more mistakes than normal. ive always usually been pretty confident on graphics. but lately, all these little mistakes have shaken me up a lil. especially on the big nights (album recording, BCH preaching, etc.) (yes, #humblebrag :)), but yeah. it does make me wonder whether im qualified to do this. lol...
i still cant believe the responsibility im entrusted with. such an honour. never would i have ever pictured this a year or two ago.
maybe a part of it is also bittersweet this'll be over soon. not really sure what to expect when i get back to TO. i have realized i thrive off of large events (i.e. conferences, album recording, BCH records, etc). so dunno whats gunna happen when i get back to TO. lol.. i admit. i enjoy feeling important. ;) who doesnt?
PS. these Houstons are killing me! Joel with his brand new lyrics 30min before, never rehearsed, can't double check lyrics, only JUST managed to enter them into the computer. and today, BCH decided to preach 5min beforehand, during the MC spot. only barely managed to pull up the scriptures and picture for him. no notes, no nothing to follow. #humblebrag
PPS. yeah... thats the thrill i get. lol.. the key is to stay calm, do what you can to the best of your ability. ahhhhhhh!!!
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