my last name means im last

my dad always said he loved our last name.

why?

cus every time he would go to profs/teachers to get exams back, he would just say "the last one!" since the papers would normally be in last name alpha order. and he was right. Yuen is usually last! haha.. unless you get the special kids whose last name start with Z. other than that... its very rare any other last name that starts with Y is after Yuen. you've got the Yu's, Yeung's, Yee's, Yang's, etc.

so looking at the exam schedule, look! i get 2 mentions. my 2 exams.. last in both classes.

bahaha....

the nerdiest thing ive ever done...

good old high school days.
haha.. merry early christmas!
enjoy! =)


AYJ Tech Crew

Where We Are - Westlife (the album. not the song. song is crummy)

click and listen to "Shadows". so good!

Shadows - Westlife

so there only seems to be 4 songs i really like on this album. outta like 13.

i know. what the crap. i usually like 10/13 or so. but this time.. there's only 4.

disappointing.

then i realized the connection between the 4 songs. they're all relatively emo. haha... hmm.. and a few other songs on the album are quite emo too. its quite a sad album actually. which usually isnt the case. i mean.. c'mon. its westlife. your typical ballad, sappy, "this relationship is perfect", and "totally gunna use this on my wedding day somehow" type of songs. which probably explains why i love them. haha.. the hopeless romantic i am.

except.. as i mentioned above. these 4 songs i like are the 'breakup' or 'he/she doesnt like me back' songs. huh..

i hope you're getting what im implying. haha...

one year and 2 months down. another 6 months to go! =)

"now i've made it this far

and the pain isnt over

but the sun keeps on rising

and i keep getting stronger."

PS. epic holidays coming up! i officially only have 4 free evenings left. haha.. book me now if you want a piece of me! :D

SoaBH - (you guessed it,) Westlife

stab.
then twist.
then stab again.
ow...

vicious cycle.

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for once, a non westlife quote!

came across this today on an fb profile.

"a woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man should seek Him in order to find her."

interesting. in a way that is trying to get across how both the man and the woman should put God first. but if the man's sole intention of seeking God is to get to her, then i would have to disagree.aka if the woman refuses the relationship because he's a non-believer. and he 'becomes' a christian just to get her, then no.but if it helps him truly begin and/or maintain that relationship with Christ, where He is first and will come first in both their lives, then yes.so yeah.. still a pretty good quote. well, its blog worthy to me anyways. haha...

"so don't let your past destroy what comes tomorrow" - FH

i can quote westlife lyrics all day long.

that one's from Fragile Heart off the Coast to Coast album. one of their best albums imo.

but yeah. every time that line comes up, i keep thinking about my school habits. every time.. i never learn. i procrastinate, and leave things til the last minute. then end up doing a rushed crappy job. im pretty sure my papers can be better if i finished it like a week in advance, left it alone for like a few days, then went back to edit it. but nope. more like i 'start' it the day before its due, then end up finishing sometime in the early hours of the morning its due, leaving no time and no incentive to proof read it. and i know i did sucha garbage job i dont want anyone else reading it either! lol.. thats the pride right there. *sigh*

i just end up in a lose-lose situation and end up with a mehh mark.

yet every time, every paper, i say it'll be different this time. i'll actually finish it in advance! papers? nope. but it's been improving with assignments and readings. im getting those done. its a step. a bitta progress. its just how much i hate papers. yet its ironic how i can just open up a new blog post, then manage to type so much. bahhh...

anyways. im slowly getting somewhere. ive always managed in the past. and it can only get better right? dont let your past destroy you. learn from it and let it help you. cus im pretty sure we've all witnessed someone or something never learning from their mistakes, and watch them continue to repeat the same actions, and obviously getting hte same results. aka a fail.

gotta throw in a WIN somewhere =)

chin up! time to focus and get thru this midterm and paper! RAWR!

how to break a heart

if only this came out like a bit more than a year ago.

wow.. what a find! (uhh... what the song is trying to get across. not so much the vid. kinda super emo. but im sure i was feeling something similar then =P)

Nikki - How To Break A Heart

(bahh.. embedding was disabled. so you gotta click on it instead.)

"a simple line can make you laugh or cry" - FWW

ah. Flying Without Wings. oh westlife.. gotta love the music from back in the late 90s. solid stuff!

anyways, the point of quoting that…

when someone says a simple line. just 1 line. and it triggers so many thoughts, in your head, plus the emotions come with it.

it can be good, like super happy (all the engagements lately? im sure that what those ppl have been feeling)

it can be bad (some devastating news. a relative passed away recently. hmm...)

it can stir up some realization (stuff that triggers thoughts. just one line. then another person comes along and just says one line, and it contributes to the other 'topic'. and now im just.. ehhhh…)

yeah. i was leaning more towards that last one. thats how im feeling right now. well, all 3 but mainly that last one.

feel like a high schooler again. thoughts/emotions are all over the place. there are things that someone can say and it immediately puts a smile on my face. and i'll be smiling like an idiot.

and there are things ppl can say and that one line will just repeat itself over and over again in my head. almost as if it were something i knew, but couldn't put it into words, or didn't want to admit to. but when someone says it to you, it seems to stand out more and plays like a broken record.

its funny how something as little as one line can trigger so much thought and/or emotion. i guess it can depend on who says it, in what context, and what has happened in the past.

think im just starting to overthink things. hm… i gotta stop doing that.

okay that made my day (or night rather)

was just looking up some drummers (cus i was watching drum covers on YT) and decided to look up Velroy Bailey. who? only one of my all time fave live drummers. and yes.. he's been the main drummer touring with Westlife for the past who knows how many tours now. since 2003 i believe. he's so ridiculously good! so i decided to YT his name (dunno why i haven't done that till now) and guess what i find? Velroy Bailey, Andrew Smith, and Mark Walker are the musicians for a gospel singer in Leeds! and here they're playing "I Give You My Heart". have a watch/listen. i totally recognize some of the style as stuff in the Westlife live tours. haha.. the 'transition' music on tours. similar chords, style, etc. =P

what are the chances that THEY'RE CHRISTIANS. wow.. like WOW. =) pure God given talent right there. f'reals.

further google searches doesnt really say much. hmm.. google actually failing me on digging up info on ppl? thats a first...

initiate hermit mode!

not cus of academics.

but the introvert side of me seems to be taking over... kinda.

im a natural at being an introvert. just really good at faking being an extrovert.

focus. FOCUS. ooooh. a gift?

"never give in to the lie that anything is better than Jesus."

-Louie Giglio

aka He's my #1. =)

Louie said that quote at Passion05. but its been popping into my head a lot since fall retreat. so i decided to finally look it up and repost it i guess. maybe i'll even tweet it. okay i will... later! haha...

anyways. its 3am. and i decide to start up a blog post. [cough typicalunivstudentsleepschedule cough] *ahem*

leaving london and going home 2mrw for the thxgiving long weekend! yay! yet its 3am and i havent packed yet. haha.. hope i dont forget anything. its okay. im trying to travel light. actually.. ive been saying that since 1st year. i've always pictured it as just me, backpack, with laptop in it, at max 1 textbook, then thats it. but nope. always at least another piece of luggage with me like a duffle bag that gets pretty filled. haha... okay i'll pack after i post this.

what was i gunna say... oh yeah! so i was on the phone with my mom earlier tonight, just finalizing travel plans/times for 2mrw. and she tells me ive received a birthday box/package at home. and im thinking "uh.. you mean one of the many things i order from the internet?" (its true... i think im waiting for like 3 things to arrive. haha.. uh oh!) but my mom goes "no.. it says its a birthday gift".

hm... interesting. first of all. its 2009, and i still get gifts (or anything really) via snail mail? second, im turning ten ten one. i still get gifts? and 3rd, its 2009. whoever sent it, get the date right! dont send it 2 days early. actually, now that i think back, im not sure if i got it via snail mail or if someone dropped it off. =P yeah.. overthinking this. hahaha.. no worries if the sender is reading this. im grateful and appreciate it all the same, even tho i dont know what it is nor who its from. its a change from the 'norm' or from the typical and that usually grabs my attention. so now im looking fwd to going home even more =) hoping im not hyping this up like crazy for myself. i tend to do that.

21 in like 2 days. (technically 2mrw since its already 3:15am meaning its already the 9th today). i dont know what to say anymore. when you're younger, you look fwd to getting older. y'know, more responsibilities, less parental control, more freedom. when you're older, you attempt to deny your age, cus you dont want to get old. you miss your youth. im just not feeling either responses. content with where i am right now or what i will be in two days (not that it really matters. seirously.. 2 days difference?) but yeah. its a good balance atm. old/mature enough to have your parents' trust, can baby the froshes, guiding other non 4th years, been of age for a while now (yay canada!). and at the same time, i sitll feel the youth in me. ever since i start office jobs (2007 summer), my gchat list has been growing, and being filled by ppl who are already working. hence older friends who are already in the working world, at the same time, they're also older bros/sis' yet also friends of mine. but we're not at our parents' generation/age. haha...

s'all good. s'gunna be a good few years to come for sures. maybe when i have to admit im stuck working every week with no summer holidays.. it'll hit me then. haha... for now, its a good balance. not too young, not that old either. =)

since i started it, i might as well continue the typical 'another year' posts. so what happened when i was 20? gosh this feels like another "and now to wrap up 2008 and welcome 2009, this year, i did this! and this! etc" haha... nothing stands out too much. guess i gotta mention that i finally went back to hk, and went to other places in china for the first time. my first time in hk was when i was 7. so dont remember too much (seriously.. how much of your 2nd grade do you remember?). went back this time, wow. talk about culture shock! going to beijing and xian really opened my eyes to just how brilliant the ancient chinese were. the things built, the art, the 'weird' things worshipped, finally seeing the Great Wall, etc.

okay i give up. its 3:30am and im writing stuff for the sake of blogging, procrastinating from packing... haha... most of this post doesnt even relate to the blog title. whoops!

ACF Fall Retreat 09

let's start with the good
- girls' group sharing (going beyond that surface, being transparent, there to support each other, rebuke each other, and keep each other accountable)
- when we sang as one voice and knew that Jesus was present in our midst
- bedside talks
- encouragement notes recieved (failed to write any. promise I will for winter retreat)
- saw a FULL rainbow
- saw a double rainbow!!
- sat night random jamming
- broken pictionary AHAHAHA!!!!!!!
- bang-ing (and all the jokes that came with it :P)
- 'i like to move it move it'... 'nough said!
- MCY punching the watermelon instead of cutting it
- 'cha siu fan' for dinner!!! (all girls table win!)
- watching ppl play touch football instead of homecoming football (stangs lost to mac btw. fail)
- much much more!

and the not so good
- busy
- tired
- lonely at times
- i have no heart
- constant runny nose
- bugs everywhere
- totally shafted
- didn't spend as much time in personal reflection as I'd hope
- feeling super old
- mind wasn't really focused at retreat
- getting slightly confused (definitely overthinking or wishful thinking)

just a super brief summary, and I wanted to jot down my notes. just a tiny lil reminder.
all in all, the good always outweighs the bad. always more. blessings in life than trials.

if anything, this retreat totally topped last year's fall retreat. altho, it's not tough to top last year's :P that was just THE worst. and I would like to think quite the opposite happened this year.
we'll see... we'll see how things goes.


random:
I read thru some old blog entries, and there were times when I was being really vague, not really mentioning what was on my mind, but only posting a line or two, and if anyone read it, they would definitely need to ask me directly if they wanted to know what I was talking about. except now, I don't remember what I was being vague about! lol! fail. yet I don't really learn from it and I still do it. haha... even bigger fail.

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priorities

when things conflict, i hate having to pick one.

even when im not super fond of one of them (but in this case, i enjoy both. quite equally), telling the other party that you can't do something cus you chose another (aka rejecting one of them) is just... a really bad moment. and i really hate it.

in this case, if you havent guessed yet, its between the Western Mustang Band and Asian Christian Fellowship. i handed in my availability sheet (supposed to pick at least 4/5 parades and 12/17 athletic events). i could do 5/5 parades (was debating if i should do London. it'll kill me to do all 5. especially London on the saturday and Toronto on the sunday. yes... SAME WEEKEND. the 2 longest parades. deadly.. but as a band, we cant turn down either. hometown and international exposure!) so parades was alright. was gtg with that. no problems there. now the athletic events... im already missing homecoming cus i'll be at ACF Fall Retreat. so thats 3 events im missing (parade, football game, hockey game). so i can miss 2 more. except... majority of games were on friday nights! meaning ACF. matching up the ACF sched, there are some ACF events i cant miss. long story short, i could only sign up for 4/17 athletic events. =( i felt so bad handing in my availability sheet, and staying behind to talk to section leader, who brought it up with prez, and it just so happens the ENTIRE exec was standing there to listen to the whole thing.

ACF. its ACF. its where the 'good times' and f'real bonding happens. these are my brothers and sisters in Christ during the univ days. and im heading up the CRC. i can't just not be there for like most of oct/nov on friday nights. i mean, i tried to balance it out. every other week i'll be at band, then ACF on the other friday nights. i want to be there... to fellowship. to grow/bond with others and grow in Christ. its something i dont really have at SCAC.

i can say the same for both WMB and ACF. this is my final year. i still and have enjoyed both 'clubs' since 1st year. but here's the thing. i guess you could say that ACF is my 'comfort zone'. and ever since 1st year, ive always viewed WMB as my mission field. to be that example, to shine for Him. the different one. the fruitcake. but in a good way. yet i need that something to go back to. ACF. ive grown so much. learnt and seen so much since high school. i know Christ is the ultimate foundation yet at the same time, i need other brothers and sisters to keep me accountable. and im glad to have other brothers with me in band who're also committed to ACF or C4C. it helps when WMB ppl go too far in their jokes and we know we need to stay grounded.

its just tough when i guess you can say im 'needed' in both WMB and ACF. limited number of bass drums in WMB. and heading up the CRC in ACF.

i guess i can always plan CRC and just delegate. then go to band. but a part of me still wants to be at ACF. y'know.. like new stuff such as Battle of the Years, and other big stuff like Coffee House and Retreat.

y'know, after typing all that out, i think i might decrease the amount of ACF stuff. lets see if i can bump up that athletic events attendance number.

on a completely random note.

y'know how guys usually open door for girls? whether you're dating, friends, or complete strangers. its just a 'gentleman gesture' to do so. so today, i was about to walk out of the UCC, and there was a guy walking in to the UCC. so he pushes open the door with his hands and walks thru. instead of holding the door open for me, he pressed the handicap button, waits until i walk thru, then he keeps walking. LOL. GG laziness. not bothering to use his 'strength' yet its a twist to it. hm...!

just a random tidbit i thought worth mentioning (and it was too many characters for twitter =P)

so what bugs me more?

tone deaf vocalists? (plus the attempt of harmonizing)
outta tune guitar?
blurred/fuzzy electric?
imbalance volume levels of all? (can't hear bass and drums, one vocalist is too loud)
wrong chords?
song choices? (full hillsong set that couldn't be pulled of, all slow)
lack of transitions? (awkward silence between songs)

shall I bother continuing on with this list even? and this is just the singspiration part.

what bugs me isn't the fact that it's not good enough in 'human terms'. cus whatever we do as our human best still won't match up to what God deserves. but what really 'grinds my gears' (hah..) is the fact that it CAN be so much better but no ones doing anything about it. and knowing what is out there in other churches...

I used to think I was such an 'all-star' drummer. cus I AM at SCAC (no. not bragging. its true..). but after getting to know other beginner drummers at other churches, I realized I'm pretty garbage. how crummy I was and how much more there was for me to learn.

I don't know where this post is going. sorta a rant. sorta just putting down my thoughts. partially also cus I've been MIA from SCAC for a month so the sense of 'not belonging' is back.

still wondering if going to colluni on friday was the right decision. iunno...

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trust

gotta trust in Him.

just listened to a talk by Louie Giglio. well.. part 1 and 2 outta 6 so far. haha... but it was def a good reminder, plus realization and learning from a familiar passage or two.
that I can't put His plans into my own hands. that He, as the creator of the universe, will most def ensure things will work out in the end. and I gotta trust in Him to do just that.

I'm a person who has their moments of wanting to plan out everything, down to the very last detail, and will over think it all. but this will only happen if I really want something or am really driven to make something happen. if I don't like it, or just don't care at all, even if its important, I will not only procrastinate taking actions, but i will procrastinate the planning so much that I would just let things happen as they come. 2 opposite extremes basically.

but back to the 'detailed planning' part, I would also rush things, just so it could happen sooner. rash actions without much thought. just the spur of the moment. but what I need to learn is that His timing will always be better than mine. i mean, whenever anyone wants anything, chances are, they would prefer to have it immediately. but this is where patience comes in. my friend's msn name once said (or something along the lines of):
Patience: the last guy who ate when Jesus fed the 5000.
hahaha.. so true. never thought of it that way. that He will provide more than enough for us. we may not see how it's possible that a loaf of bread and 2 fishes can feed 5000, basically we wont know when or how we'll physically recieve His blessings. we may not understand how God works. but in the end, He provides for all of us, and there were 12 baskets leftover! an abundance in goodness. =)

in the end, all i CAN do is ensure that my relationship with Christ is continously growing, and He will provide me with the rest. gotta trust in Him! :) it'd be dumb to not. really. think about it.

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what a weekend!!!

wow.. where to begin? actually, the continous activities began before that. mid week last week, the good times began to roll!

starting off with wed, illuminate v3 went well, plus chillage at mcds afterwards was pure jokes.

thursday, rained out games so surprise! 3 guys had nothing to do and showed up at my door -_- we ended up watching abdc402 and playing all 32 tracks in mariokart wii. haha.. the trash talkin' was so bad yet made it so much more fun. =P

friday, sushi bong + bbt with like 5 others for lunch! pretty epic way of ending off the week really. but the moment work was over, start off the weekend with a bitta bp! sam and i joined up with another like 7 ppl from ekklesia and we just hit around. good bitta chill practice before playoffs :D then sam and i headed off to the annual tailgate party at scac. joint colluni and didomi, outdoor event in the parking lot, my first 'bbq' of the season (street meat pre/post jays games dont count), vince's verson of boom boom pow (haha.. oh boy!), goodbye colluni grads, welcome soon to be new froshes. yay!

saturday... start that off with a 10am softball practice. haha.. wow it was humid. but it was a good start to the day. excercise, nice way to wake up! nice and small practice too (altho that meant crap attendance. ah well..). in the afternoon was shirley and enoch's wedding! CONGRATS! oh man.. i still cant believe how young they are and married. its like.. MY AGE sorta. so the wedding was just this big massive western reunion, + scac/jaffray ppl there. its like my worlds colliding. haha.. its a weird feeling. then you find out everyone already knows each other. what the..
after the wedding, tim and i needed to ump at warden. needed a ride, then we saw sam lee at the wedding. hey.. he plays on harbs. HE CAN DRIVE US. score! haha.. the live tweeting and updates thruout the weekend was hilarious. the reactions were usually "yes!! [insert team] is winning! MY BRACKET!!" or it could've been "WHAT. [insert crummy team] is beating [insert higher seed team]?!?!! HOW?!?! NOOOOO.. MY BRACKET!" haha.. for those who are lost, basically, a bunch of us are doing a fantasy ccsa playoffs bracket. hilarious! yet we know we all make our predictions anyways. so we'll add a bitta more fun to it =P
so sat night, i had this random sudden craving for marble slab. well, maybe not a craving but i wouldnt mind going for it. and it ended up being 10 ppl going to marble slab! it was good times. from feeling really cold and STILL wanting ice cream, to epic loitering outside in the cold, more hilarious moments! haha... ET ppl are good times!

sunday... kicked that off with attending ET. YES. I FINALLY WENT. after numerous invitations, and already knowing like half (or more) of the eng congregation, i finally went. why? well, enough of the invites already, haha... and also to just learn from other churches and see what i can bring back to SCAC. i actually had the idea of 'church hopping' around toronto for the sole purpose of seeing what other churches are like, and what can i bring back to SCAC. but i guess that never happened. its just that ive never been to another church in toronto except for baptism services or something. other than that, every sunday would be SCAC. but yeah. more on that later. lets just say ET was a good bridge between SCAC and WLAC. i miss london.. cant wait to be back at WLAC in 2 sundays =)
so after service at ET, that means its ROUND 1 OF PLAYOFFS. ahhhhhhh! who knew? first year of seniors, and we finished strong with a 7-3 record, seeding 13! only to find out we're playing a 10th seed team in round 1. how... oh right. cus we had to request sunday, since like more than half the team was at S+E's wedding on sat. dont get me wrong, not bitter nor blaming the weddding. but its just yeah.. haha.. its okay tho. we ended up beating Spirit in round 1 =) so HELLO ROUND 2 AT 5PM. so inbetween those 2 games, we found out that Passionfruit lost to oracles. -_- still hard to believe but yeah.. upsets happen. so at around 4:30-4:45, we were so happy to see PF, Ravens (who just played game at 2pm), and some of Sanctified show up to watch our round 2 game! ROUND 2. thats unheard of! SCAC in srs making it to round 2? is that history right there?!?! yeh! we were facing the 5th seed, Anointed. and they beat PF in the regular season, by 5. but guess what.. we ended up losing by 5 as well. haha.. ah well. it was a great season. well played SG, well played. oh btw, im still sorta buzzin' from a guy grounding out to me. it feels so good =P not to mention SG's IF pulling off about 4 double plays yesterday! SICKK. well, i think only one was a legit 6-4-3 play. the others were 'tag up fails' and we managed to get em out. haha... oh! or leo in LF, gunning someone out at 3b! phil's sliding catch in LF! sam's catches in deeeeep RF! no major injuries... good times!
of course we had to pull an ET and end off with team dinner at pho88 =P
and last but not least, one of THE HIGHLIGHTS of the weekend, was when hazel, wes, and i were arriving at the Turn2 game, we saw these 2 ppl making out. and we were like "ughh.. high schoolers". but when we drove by, we recognized them! HAHAHAHAHA IT WAS HILARIOUS! we were causing such a ruckus in the car, wanting to turn around, and HIGH BEAM them! lmao.. it'll be fun to heckle em for awhile. :D of course, after that 'energizing' moment, one of them hit a triple. wonder what gave him that boost? ;)

what a weekend.. cant believe summer's coming to an end. =( its so chilly now in the mornings/evenings. makes me wanna bring out the hoodies already! and CCSA is over for another season. mm... fall is near!

currently...

I am smiling like an idiot. =)

end of blog.



okay fine... not the end of blog. but no, it is not Twitter that is causing these short, limited and vague blog entries. it's more so plenty of things happen to me which I think are too personal to be shared on something as public as a blog on blospot ( as it's part of google now, or rather has been for awhile) but as the same time, I wanna make a blog entry so I write something that would remind myself what was the 'happening'. afterall, it is MY blog and blog and I put up whatever I choose. haha.. altho I guess that does defeat the purpose of blogs on the www for all to see. plus I keep my own personal journal (well, can't call it a journal anymore. I only write in if when something worth remembering happens)
hey look! I made a blog post without needing to elaborate the one line or the blog entry before! GG. I win. haha....

Geolocate this post.

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i hate this game.

western acf makes me =)

really appreciating the fellowship days from western acf.

so today is viv's bday (yes... the one who looks like a frosh is now 22. hah!) and a bunch of western ppl went out with her for dinner. then as usual, asians back in toronto, hit up bbt afterwards i joined up with them then. and its only in settings like these, with a bunch like them, that you can go from a deep spiritual conversation which "punches you in the face" as chris describes it, to a 'laugh-til-your-stomach-hurts-like-you-just-did-an-abs-workout' laughing session. a time when you can just completely forget all else thats happening around you, enjoy and appreciate it there and then, and just have a good time of fellowship with ppl who you love and care about. 

it ranged from ppl who've already graduated, to the current froshes-for-not-much-longer. theres just something about us which works so well and we click as a group. and that is fellowship. true fellowship.

and it shows whenever western ppl see each other. like in softball (yes of course, most of us play in ccsa. haha..). but whenever western ppl see each other, even if we arent THAT close while at western, we just seem so much closer than others we know from elsewhere. theres just that connection, about spending 8 months of the year in london and attending western ACF. 

just a bit sad that there isnt summer acf this year, and that the weekly (or even more often) acf gatherings wont happen til sept gets here. then again, this is also my final year. =( 

but i will enjoy it while it lasts. and whose to say it has to end when im done with western? there'll always be these lil western gatherings. ppl say the friends you make in univ are the ones that will last. (well, compared to high school anyways.) 

time flies, but im sure this final year at western will be a good one. =)

PS. we're gunna go out with a BANG at banquet! haha...

real friends vs douchebags who claim to be your friend

y'know the episode of himym, where ted 'couldnt get angry' at stella for leaving him at the altar? but in the end, he got really fueled up, had the most pwnage thing to say to her, and was feeling like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" but in the very end, didnt say all that, and just let it go?

yeah.. thats how im feeling. haha..

it took a real friend to let me know and help me realize that another 'friend' was actually just a big douchebag all along. at first, i was like "meh. im okay. im not mad." and was willing to just let it go, and just move on with life. but after my friend helped me realized just how epically big of a douchebag that person is, i was pretty pissed. like if i actually saw that person then and there, who knows what would've started coming outta my mouth. haha.. but i didnt. no rash actions were made. no angry phone calls or email.. nothing.

so what am i gunna do from now on? probably nothing. literally. refuse communication with that db. let that person go on with their life, and i will go on with mine. move on, really.

if anything, appreciate the friends i have now, letting me know and realize just how big of a db the other person was and still is. and how my life is at a much awesome-er place! :D

thats what friends are for.

its always good to talk things out. and they pretty much decided things for me. haha.. actually... they didnt even need to hear what i had to say. they already made the decision, and wouldnt be persuaded otherwise. and its true. thanks to you awesome people for listening, or just not listening and telling me immediately whats the right decision. haha...

softball. 

S.G. UGH. ppl need to start playing this game properly, and reduce the amount of errors. ERRORS. so many! dropping fly balls right at you, lack of backing up, grounders THRU the legs... oh and we're not hitting either. even if our defense is gross, it wouldnt be as bad if we can hit the ball.! but nope.. we're not. im at fault on that part too. but im working on it. 

SG has a looooooong way to go.

oh and this goes for both ccsa (3-1) and sssl (5-4).

thats all it takes.

seriously... that is ALL that it takes. 

the head really is separate from the heart.

wow.

edit/update: He's Just Not That Into You. SO TRUE. just asked a girl for her opinion, and asked a guy. WOW. talk about accurate reactions! HAHAHA.

brain overload.

theres been times when i wish i could just stay in the shower forever. i know this is definitely NOT the first time that ive mentioned on this blog of mine, about how i absolutely love showers. cus it gives me plenty of alone time to think. and alot of the time, they're quite inspirational too. 

altho its summer, i feel like ive got a LOT on my mind. its quite an overload. i mean... theres work, softball, illuminate v3, worship team, colluni stuff, AYers small group, etc.. thats just stuff to fill my everyday schedule. but on top of that, theres been other things on my mind and its bugging me. stuff i need to figure out so i will stop being confused, figure out where i stand in some things (perspective wise), and yeah... i mean, even softball triggers a lot of emotions. winning, losing, mind games whether to hit this pitch or not, how my own performance was, how other ppl on the team are performing... ugh.! im probably just overthinking a lot of things, a lot more than thought put into it than there needs to be. once again, going back to Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You, over thinking and analyzing every little detail, and probs taking things waaaay outta context. so far out that its just stupid nonsense and just pure dumb. 

i dont know... too much on my mind. felt like i needed to blog. but im also lacking sleep.

goodnight.

why i respect MJ

everyone's heard of michael jackson. whether it be from the days when he was in the Jackson 5, or when Bad came out, the the epic music video Thriller was released, or when he started turning white, or when his nose jobs made him look less and less like a human, or when he was with 'little boys'... everyone's heard of him.

ive always heard of his name. but never really bothered looking into his music or anything. most likely heard songs here and there like ABC or Billie Jean but never knew it was by him. the first song i properly knew that it was by MJ was probably She's Out of My Life cus Jon Lee from S Club 7 sang it as a solo in the S Club Party 2001 tour. absolutely loved it. the second song i knew was probably Heal The World cus some kid did it back in jr high for talent show, and he did an AMAZING job.! (side note. that was an awesome talent show! that was when sue was on electric, i was on drums, and amy was singing and we did Now That You're Near =P). 

then Blue also did an MJ medley in their 2003 (?) Guilty Tour. they tried pulling off the Thriller moves. nope... sorry, but no. haha... and as a Busted fan, they also mentioned MJ in their song, Year 3000. and of course, Westlife. haha... they've done quite a few MJ songs in their medleys including Wanna Be Startin' Something, Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough, Blame It On the Boogie, Billie Jean, I'll Be There, etc. plus they've often had MJ playing in the background during photoshoots and stuff. haha... like the MJ's greatest hits.

then i remember one time, back in like 2004 or so? dont remember.. but when we had satellite tv in the basement, i caught some special MJ anniv concert on TV and wow... that was the first time i saw MJ as a performer. as an entertainer. and i gotta say... never seen anything like it! like, i knew he was the one who made the moonwalk famous, the white gloves, the black pants too short white socks black shoes combo (btw, no one else can pull that off so dont even try). but the way he sings, dances, and moves like that... WOW. thats when i understood why so many artists respect him and look up to him. not only were his songs catchy and such, but he can actually perform them live.! 

in 2nd year, i took an english course where it was studying the english in media. so one lecture, we studied "Thriller". yeah... that was our lecture. learning about an MJ MV! it was awesome. all his MVs are pretty creative i must say. unique in their own way, and never been done before concepts too. 

what a performer... i never saw him live but there have been multiple times when i stood in HMV, debating if i wanted to buy his DVDs. haha... i have yet to buy one. but at this rate, i think he'll be selling loads. so hopefully i can get my hands on something soon. 

of course, thru all that, there was plenty of negative publicity as well, with him dangling the baby over the balcony, 'touching' lil boys, his physical appearance, etc. but just take a look. the moment he's dead, ppl remember his music. how he's influenced pop culture for so many years with his music, his dancing, his own unique style thats captured so many. and he's broken quite a few world records too. so hats off to him. respects. RIP MJ. your music will live on.

oh summer...

so its been an interesting summer so far.
kicking it off with a 3 week trip to hk/beijing/xian with the parentals, then 3 weeks of bumming, and now half way thru week 2 of work.
as usual, plenty of going out, softball, bbt, seeing plenty of toronto ppl, not so much western ppl. its been good playing on the same team(s) as some western ppl and a good chunk of scac ppl go to western too or else i'd probs be completely cut off from western ppl. ive always enjoyed home a lot more. every time i come home during the school year, that weekend is used to relax and go chill or something. even if i brought books, i wouldnt touch it whatsoever.
i still cant believe that 1.5 months of summer is gone. =( too fast. im not ready to start my last year of univ just yet. i still feel so young, inexperienced, not smart enough, so much more to explore and learn! sorta the same feeling when i was finishing up high school and trying to accept the fact that i was going to university! it always seems so far away. cus all you do in gr9-12 is work for marks to get into univ. but it always seemed so far away. you take all of 1st year to adjust and get used to what univ is like, especially since i was outta town. no parents, no curfew, no limitations. its up to you if you wanna study/sleep/eat or not. 2nd year comes along, you're thinking you finally got the hang of this! but nope, moving out of rez, adding on groceries/cooking/chores to the schedule. 3rd year comes along, studies get more in depth and hardcore.
who knows what to expect for 4th year? its all too fast. being a frosh and having the older acf brothers and sisters baby me, then 2nd/3rd year, becomes my turn to look out for froshes. of course i will continue to do so in 4th (already started, finding out the new froshes from scac that are going to western!!!).
its been an interesting journey so far. and once again, its a busy summer for me. well, really bored at work. so im back on blogger, and reading other ppl's blogs. haha... its a good past time.
but anyways. back to work. more posts to come.

he's just not that into you

so it's 5am, and I don't seem to be able to fall asleep. so I've decided to blog instead... from my phone. I don't know why I put myself up to type so much from my phone. but since I can't sleep, and my godbro's kid is now cry-.. no, screaming (he just turned 1 last week. not so adorable right now!!!), I might as well blog.. from my phone!

so around late march, I met a friend who recommended that I watch 'he's just not that into you'. I didn't get a chance to see it til apr24, the night of my last exam (which was from 2-5). so I did see it (with a bunch of single girls might I add =P) and ever since, I've been giving it much thought.

a lot of it seemed to be true things that I've never realized, or always knew but never put it into words, aka never thought it was that big of a deal. after rewatching the movie another two times recently (skimmed thru it the 3rd time), I've realized I have gone or am currently going thru approx 4 of the characters' experience/situation (or at least partial)

1) the girl who over thinks, over analyzes, and thinks waaaaaay ahead.
basically, every guy she meets (and maybe just remotely interested in), she'll wonder if he's THE ONE. she then proceeds to analyzing every single detail and action, wondering what they mean and jumping to conclusions, but they usually end up with the guy not interested at all, and the actions are typical guy actions. which sorta in a way is her own fault, while her friends also come up with excuses as to why he didn't call, or other ridiculous, yet hilarious reason for his (lack of) action(s).

2) the girl who had everything a girl could ask for from a guy, but he wasn't the one.
basically. the 'dream' guy was there, but she had her eyes on someone else, or just knew he wasnt the one.

3) the guy who was ready to give everything for her, but she doesn't return the feelings. and can't figure out why.

4) the girl who does everything virtual.
bssically, she'll meet ppl online, arrange dates, then meet up in person.
its 2009, and with the help of technology, i think a LOT of ppl do this. in terms of they meet someone, whether in person or online, get their basic profile and contact online (thru facebook or something). virtual comunication begins. and whether they meet up in person goes from there. and it's true what they say. remember back in the day, when everyone one only had a home phone? and it's either they called or didn't call. but now, there's so much technology (home/work/cell phones, voicemails, txt, personal/work emails, facebook, twitter, msn, etc), that if you're expecting/anticipating the 'other person' to contact you, you'll probably get rejected by all those mediums except for one. how sad is that? yet true.

interesting how a movie like that can provoke so much thinking from me that it got it's own blog post. lol... and that's saying something considering I haven't blogged in awhile!!

great movie tho. I've talked to a few girls to get their perspective on things. like do girls really act like that? do guys act like that too?
can a guy watch it and give me their their thots about it?

PS. it is now 5:30am and I will attempt sleeping again. holy crap I am gunna die at work on monday!!! ah well... starbucks to the rescue!

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oh twitter...

so twitter's the 'new thing' now i guess... i heard about it back in like sept of 2008 but didnt really look into it. finally caved at the end of 2008. but didnt use it much since like no one else i knew had it. it was sorta a myspace thing, where i got it only to 'follow' 'celebs'. haha... like who? well... like kevjumba. and mcfly. and ajrafael. and davidchoi. but meh.. didnt really use it much.

but then... suddenly.. guess who else got twitter? WongFu.! and then... Quest Crew! yup... a crew account, as well as indiv members. yay! so i began following. then gradually, more friends got it. hah.. so i guess ppl can now see the 'following celebs' side of me. =P since no one else i personally know uses myspace or bebo. but i think twitter is catching on. 

but y'know what i realized? ive always been twittering. maybe not under the 'official name' of twitter. but i have. it goes back to like what.. gr7? when i first got msn. ive always been one of those ppl who changes their msn name a lot. and i mean.. a LOT. haha... like as often as i update twitter now. except msn didnt archive the changes, until saving msn history came along. but it doesnt save the status, just the msn name. and now that im on a mac and using adium, it doesnt save your msn names either. so i guess the archiving of msn names stopped. but yeah.. the msn names were similar in length to what twitter is now (actually, even shorter) and it was brief updates of my life. 

the longer version would be AA or blogspot. i got AA back in gr7 and blogspot back in gr9. and those posts would be elaborating my msn name pretty much. or i would blog just for the sake of blogging something? haha... and these would be longer versions and/or detailed explanations of the msn name. 

then along came facebook, with the status updates. these sorta got archived, but short term. i got facebook back in gr12 summer, when i got my uwo email account. y'know, back when facebook was limited to college/univ students only? yeah. those days. haha... 

and now.. its twitter! im not sure if i like it or not yet. i mean.. its great htat i can 'follow' some celebs, depending on how much they wanna twitter. but at the same time, its really brief and generic. its still not as detailed as a blog post. sure, it can be more often, and it fills in those 'gaps' between blog posts. but at the same time, i feel like this generation is getting too precise and simple. just get down to the point and get out kinda thing. im not sure if thats a good thing. eventually, everything will just be binary then. a yes, or a no. tahts it. even many IT ppl nowadays just reply to emails/txt with a simple yes or no. heck, the GIS programs im using at school are also based on binary coding. it either IS, or ISNT. and tahts all you need. dont need explanations or anything. its either 0 or 1. 

its interesting to see how generations change.

need another example? in toronto, try walking into a restaurant, and if theres kids there, chances are, they're holding a ds. i admit, i have one too. =P but even lil kids at the age of 5 are playing with a ds. 

or how about going back 10 years. how many ppl had a cell phone? or.. what can you do on the cell phone? certainly none of this internet business. and those phones were the size of a brick! you could only call and receive calls. no colour screen, etc. haha.... 

oh technology. waiting for the day i, robot, or wall-e comes true. hah.!

dont get me wrong.. im not hating on technology. and im guilty for relying on it too much. but just wanted to point out how much its influenced our daily activities.

nerves...

things never go the way i planned it to be. and i feel kinda queasy about it.

and im a person who likes knowing whats up ahead in the near future. 

for example:

1) i was planning to call back into my work place. do a bitta chitchat, y'know, stay friendly. and confirm that i can return in the summer.

what happened? i called, went to voicemail, name change. whoa.! diff person. now what? i hung up. and now im gunna go into the office in person 2mrw. sorta not knowing what to say. what if the person who hired me is gone/transferred/retired and i dont get hired? i mean.. i sure i'll see someone i still know there. no way the entire department is gone since the beginning of january. so yeah... and i hope the new person in that position didnt hire someone else yet. =\

2) stats course. i got gg'd on the midterm. i admit that. but i planned it all out. work my butt off. and not only get the mark i need, but get waaay over what i need. the assignments showed my hard work. got my 87, then 98, then 100, then 97, then 98, then 100. sweet. walk into the exam with a 70. walk out with a 57. i need a 60 in the course. what the deuce... 

what happened? well, the entire class bombed the final. i got 50 on the dot. the average of the final was a 53. meaning majority of ppl failed (and they did). and the final course marks average is a 69 which is not too bad so i guess no bell curve. arranged a meeting with prof 2mrw, hoping to explain my situation, ask, then if not, beg for the 60. lets hope my prof has the understand of at least the average human.

bahhh.... found out both those things this past thurs. and hopefully both will be 'resolved' 2mrw (mon). lets pray and hope and have faith that things will go according to plan this time. lol.. 

as cliche and overused this verse is, here it is again. =P 

"now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

if i fail at either or both, i have a feeling that the hk/beijing trip will be not so epic. bahhh...

its a beautiful day!

a few nights ago, friday night i believe, it was one of those really beautiful weather days. 

not too hot. not too good. sorta warm with a really really light breeze. it was perfect. 

i was walking home from the bus stop after my 2pm exam and fail'd attempt at studying, so this was at around sunset time, and i couldnt help but think about how awesome the weather was, and my past. y'see, back in gr5-9 (elementary and jr high), i would have to walk like 15-20min to school (one way) every day. and remember? it was a consistent 8:45am-3:10pm kinda sched, mon-fri. every morning, i would be those kids who'd sleep in as much as they could, scramble out the door, and speed walk to school in the span of 10-15mins. but afterschool was a different story. no matter how hot or cold (i dressed according to weather. yay!), i would always take my time  afterschool. on average, the average walker would take 15min. but i took from 30-45min no problem. i mean... this was no short walk. down an entire street, thru a ravine, then down another entire street. and these were some of my favourite times spent with God. a consistent 30-45min everyday, no one else lived my way so i had time to myself to think. to meditate. to observe the neighbourhood, and boy do i live in a beautiful neighbourhood. =) both streets that i walk down, the ppl keep their lawns quite nicely. i also pass by my elementary school. then thru that ravine. wow... the bridge and the river. it was clean water. you could see the rocks at the bottom. super clean! unless it just rained. it would look like white water canyon at wonderland. haha... then the trees on either side of the walkway. as 'nature' as you can get in the city. then i would also pass by my 'then future' high school. all those walks, i used it as time to talk to God. reflecting on my day. what was to come. definitely some of my favourite moments in my walk with God. and this past friday's walk home from the bus stop was as close as it got to what it was before. y'see, when high school came along (gr10-12), i lived 8.5 houses away. (8 houses, then cross the street. hence 0.5 haha). like, i was soooo close to school that i used to go home to go to the washroom =P or when i said i was going to my locker to get a book, i would go home and get it. heck.. i think i forgot my locker combo cus i never used it. so the walks home were just like... going next door. haha... 

i really enjoy walks. its something i should do more. but this london area doesnt seem that nice. campus is really nice. i remember always going for night walks in 1st year after my night class. maybe i can do that again next year when im living at beaver =) 

but yeah... thinking about the past, i went thru my blog just now, after my exam today. not just this blog, but i have another blog too... that one was since 2004. and its true... ive seen how much ive grown/change. remembered some memories, some tough times. now i cant wait to get back to toronto and read thru journals! (dont ask... yeah.. i keep handwritten journals as well as typed blogs...)

after 20.5 years of life, or just a bit more than 7 years of baptized life (haha), ive realized that in a lot of my prayers, my 'go-to' default word when i dont know what say is "thanks". y'know when ppl say "umm.." or "like..." when they cant find the words or have nothing to say? yeah... if i really dont know what to pray about, i just go to something that i can thank Him for. and i guess that reflects what i think about most of the time. what am i thankful for? and i never have nothing to say. never. amazing huh? always constantly reminded by speakers, sunday school teachers, ppl sharing, and many others to think about 1 thing that you would like to change in your life right now cus it sucks. and 2 things in your life right now that make you feel blessed. and y'know.. the blessed always outweighs the crap. psychologically, ppl would just "thats just called thinking positive!" but how i see it, there truely is more goodness than bad in my life. 

anyways, all this 'alone time', aka, studying, is actually putting more than just academics thru my brain. =P

i never know how to conclude blog posts. haha... man i suck at writing.

but whatevs...!

im.. back? probs not for long.

ppl dont really blog anymore.. do they. or even if they do, ppl keep it quiet and its not advertised on msn names and all that anymore. 

back in the day, it was all about AA/xanga. and once in awhile, you'd get a blogspot link. ppl would be like "i gotta get home and xanga this!" or "haha.. that! didnt you read my xanga? i posted about it!" or ppl would write updated blurbs on AA cus they didnt wanna sign up for another site like xanga. blogger (or blogspot) never really caught on too much. but if ppl decided to do a team blog or something, thats what would be used! now its fb notes. ew... haha...

so.. its now middle of april. im sick with a cold (seriously.. in april. what the deuce. stupid virus...) and since my last post in february, its been quite a busy life. mainly colluni, TC REC, marching band, many late nights playing db (hah!) and now sball planning! plus in the midst of all that, weekly academics (3 lab courses and 1 tutorial this term. killer!). but with so much going on, this term has been my best term (academically) in my entire univ career! im quite surprised. i dont know how. the most extra-curricular activities, yet doing swell in the academics department. wow... its times like these i dont understand the way God's plan is working. but regardless, He's in control, and things are working out better. i still dont understand it. and it wasnt easy... but things are working out. =) 

- academics achieved (well, plus 3 exams to go)

- bonding with other bros and sis here at western (4ams at least once a week!)

- God's amazing work at TC was seen once again

- half time show and mtl st patricks day parade with the WMB

- colluni's winter retreat was epic!

im definitely excited to see whats in store for summer. for me, summers are usually even busier. haha.. and things are no different this year. kicking it off with a family vacation, 2 softball leagues, work, plus plenty more to come! 

but now, back to studying. lets pwn these 3 exams first. finish strong. =)

PS. study fail. supposed to be studying, but ended back up on blogger. lol...

a big disappointment, yet happy!

y'know... its 2009 and all these cancers and diseases are popping up everywhere like daisies. and my mom is super paranoid about it. everytime i eat some slightly non-approved by her diet, or do something she doesnt approve, the end result is "you will get cancer from that!" and if i continue eating/doing what she doesnt want me to, she'll say "don't come crawling back to me when you DO get cancer!". well.. she says it all in chinese and i translated it to type on to here on course. 

so something's been happening to me, i looked it up online and most forums say "go check it out at the docs. needs some serious medical attention. and it might be cancer!!" and im thinking.. "so is this it for me? ive got cancer? dangs.. i really should go get it checked out!" so i book an appt with the student health services and off i go. wondering if my mom was finally proven right and i actually have cancer. i mean.. all those ppl replying on forums on the internet sound just like my mom. cancer cancer cancer. so there i am.. in the docs office. the nurse had this oh boy.. errr... umm... kinda iffy look on her face. i didnt really look into it. i actually just played solitaire on my phone the entire time. haha... so the doc came. checked it out. turns out its something quite minor and it'll heal on its own and theres not much anyone can do about it. hah! go figure. sorta a 'disappointment' cus my mom keeps mentioning cancer, and that im pretty convinced im gunna die at a super young age due to cancer. yet im so happy its something so not serious and i'm gunna live! haha...

speaking of living... i almost got hit by a car yesterday. it was around noon time, i was walking on oxford towards the bus stop, crossing the intersection to get to the mcdonalds block (before reaching the lights), i was eyeing this car turning out of mcdonalds. so since she wasnt at the intersection yet, i crossed. i kept eyeing the car and pretty much 'staring down' the driver. an asian middle aged woman. she still didnt see me. so i walked a little faster cus i wanted to save my own life. so she stopped to wait for a gap in the road so her car could go, im pretty convinced she doesnt see me. im still crossing at this point and nearly past her 'car area'. she really doesnt see me, sees a gap between cars on the road and is about to go. luckily im still watching her car's every move so when she gassed a bit, i actually side stepped a step. if i didnt, i would've been hit by the corner lights of her car. she finally saw me as she just lightly pressed on the gas but pressed the brakes in time. WHOA. it was so fast. there wasnt even time for my life to flash before my eyes. dangs...

then today, just now, as i was walking home on oxford, im listening to my music, and i hear this "boom! boom!". and i go "huh? ive heard this song too many times now and that's NOT the beat." so i pulled out my headphones, turned my head, and there were 4 cars that had a minor accident right there on oxford. from the looks of it, all of them following too closely. 1 car braked to make a left, and 2 cars immediately behind where okay, but the 4 cars after reared each other.

its been a weird 2 days. but after 'hearing' that accident, i didnt think much of it. i really didnt care. i mean.. it was just a minor accident. no air bags, maybe a few dents and new bumpers. thats it really. i just wanted to come home, pick up the guitar and start worshipping. i dont know why. and for some reason, i just wanted to note this down (aka blog about it). then im off to do some guitaring.